i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Randomize
