Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
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