it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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