where am i from again
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
do herpes really smell.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
