Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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