I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
