I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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