as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
