His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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