something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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