just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize
