I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I love having hate sex.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
