Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
