wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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