the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
