I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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