No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
