he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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