last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
