Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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