I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
