Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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