i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
smell my finger.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
