My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
