He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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