Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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