He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
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