Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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