Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
