Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
