Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
