ya dads aren't the best wingmen
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
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