Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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