You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
