bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
