There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
