Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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