so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
