Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize
