he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
