just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
