So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
