moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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