I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
