Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
