My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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