He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Randomize
