this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
