I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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