I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
