do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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